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Communication Breakdown

t happens to the best of us. Communication is
such a fickle thing, and the lines of
communication can become blurred every so often,
especially when feelings are involved. Even those
who think that they are immune to the confusion
of conflict can find themselves drawn into a
communication breakdown when they least expect it
, and chaos ensues.

This happened to me on the weekend, and until to
be quite honest, it took me by surprise. Even
those of us who are better equipped than many
others are not immune. My partner told me
something that really hurt my feelings, and I
lashed back in defense. It was a silly argument,
over something as simple as a misplaced bottle of
aftershave. But to me, it represented something
much deeper, that had been simmering away for a
couple of weeks. I get frustrated at having to
search for something when it is not where I
expect it to be. Worse still when my partner has
shifted it and I don't know the first place to
begin searching.

Aftershave, needles and thread, car keys, a
Tupperware container to store my baking soda in,
covers for our outdoor chairs, all were examples
of instances where I had to turn the house upside
-down. A simple answer from my partner when these
things were shifted would have saved me a lot of
time and frustration. And the answer I got? "You
need to open your eyes and organize yourself
better"

I was gutted. When I come home from work I
exercise the dog and cook dinner so that it is on
the table by the time my partner gets home. The
house is always spotless and warm, as I'm very
conscious of coming home to a tidy environment. I
see this as a fundamental part of my role in
coming home first, and it takes a lot of my time.
To imply that I have the time to "organize
yourself better" really hurt.

I don't expect praise, but I did hope that my
efforts were recognized. I got told that "I don't
expect you to cook my dinner every night" was
interpreted by me as ingratitude, and hurt me
even more.

So where to from here? My partner felt guilty at
coming home every night to the perfect household,
whereas I felt guilty if it wasn't perfect. It
was never about me trying to make him feel guilty
, but it seems it did. And this is where the
communication fell down. He misinterpreted my
efforts, and I misinterpreted his response.

Communication, communication, communication. I
need for my partner to keep me informed of where
things move to. I need to be informed. I need to
voice my frustration before it gets to boiling
point. We both need to talk about our feelings
more, and how each of our contributions to our
home and our relationship make us feel, and how
we interpret each others contributions. It is not
a competition, but for many couples it feels like
it.

When people feel guilt or stress, it leads them to
act funny ways. Often stress and guilt are
barriers to communication. The key to overcoming
them is to recognize what it is, and have the
courage to talk about it. You might be able to do
it as a couple, or you might want the help of a
friend who can listen to the way you are
communicating with each other and offer insights
and advice.

We got it sorted out, and kissed and hugged. It
wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't feel such love
at the same time. But it served as a good
reminder to me. Sometimes you get so wrapped up
in your own emotions that you forget to think of
the other person. You also need to entertain the
possibility that you are misinterpreting each
other. Talking about it is the way to expose the
miscommunication and let the healing begin.

A good lesson to learn, even for the expert¦

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About the Author
Article Written By J. Foley
http://tinyurl.com/yvxtlg