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The brutal reality of the Hollywood writers' strike

alk of a looming writer's strike reminds me of 1988. Back then, studios were momentarily caught out, wondering what they'd produce, sans scribes, until they realized that "reality" shows were a cheap, popular alternative.

Since then, writers have managed to claw back a few time slots. But with past lessons fresh in their minds, producers are ready to wield new reality shows like strike-breakers' batons.

You might think that today's audiences have rediscovered a taste for writer-driven shows like Pushing Daisies, with genuine plots and dialogue. You might think that the remarkable proliferation of reality shows leaves nothing new in that genre. As a writer myself, I obviously like the idea of audiences that are, again, hooked by stories. Unfortunately, new reality shows are being green-lighted faster than Vespas in Roman traffic. No new ideas in the reality genre? You wish. Here are six shows currently in development…

1.) Survivor: Red State, Blue State

With CBS' writer-driven Big Bang Theory threatened, they've turned to Jeff Probst for this politically timely spinoff. Survivor: Red State, Blue State is actually two shows in one. In 'Red State', 16 conservative Republicans from the Midwest will relocate to Berkeley, where their tolerance and flexibility will be tested with a variety of challenges including yoga and a worshiping at a Wiccan solstice festival. In 'Blue State', 16 metrosexual hipsters from the coasts will relocate to a dorm at Oral Roberts University in Tulsa, OK.

2.) America's Next Top Reality Show Host

Another timely show, since a long strike will create even more demand for new reality shows. Participants in this CW show will pitch their own shows to a panel including 'Top Model' producers Ken Mok and Anthony Dominici.

3.) Who Whines To Be A Millionaire

ABC has teamed up with Regis Philbin to produce this ultra-efficient show. The set is simply a bare stage with a microphone stand. Eight audience members are selected at random and each is given two minutes to argue, harangue, beg and plead with the audience, which then votes to determine which contestant gets the money.

4.) Drumming With The Stars

CBS is another network worried that, without new dramas, its audience will vanish without a trace. As a stopgap measure, the network plans to air this spinoff. Stars will be judged by Tommy Lee, eccentric poet Robert Bly, and a visiting judge from a different musical genre each week.

5.) The Cat Whisperer

"Cats are the new dogs," says Cesar Millan, who hopes that this show, which he's exec producing, will be his bridge to basic cable. Felicity Horn will star; she's the niece of magician Roy Horn.

6.) The Biggest Gainer

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen hope American girls in the coveted 75-90 pound demographic will have an appetite for this show, which NBC will run in its hot 'Bionic Woman' slot. It will go behind the usually closed doors of a renowned eating disorder clinic. 16 anorexic teenagers will compete to see who can gain the most weight in six weeks. Alison Sweeney is producing. "We've got product placement deals lined up out the door," she says. Rumor has it that Häagen Daz has already signed a seven-figure deal for title sponsorship.

Mark Gardiner is the creative director of the viral video production team howtofryanegg.com. He's pitching his own show this season, which he describes as a cross between 'The Dog Whisperer' and 'Dancing With The Stars'. No, really